A few days after dreaming of the tiger and understanding that I would be going to Nepal, I remember waking up feeling energize (I love that feeling but it’s a bit addictive!). I remember being in my kitchen and having this thought who was like a shooting star 💫 that came out of what seems like no where. Suddenly I thought;
– If I go to Nepal maybe I could go to Everest Base Camp?
That thought came in and out so quickly almost like if you had flash my mind with the idea.
I laugh (yes I laugh by myself that happens… more and more often actually! haha). I laugh because there was no way I could do something like that. I had not train nor hike. I smile for a second while holding my warm coffee mug and thought ‘can you imagine Val’. ‘Can you imagine if you would do that’. ‘You could achieve anything after such an accomplishment’.
The rest of my morning I felt like I was surfing that positive energy wave that the idea of Everest Base Camp had left in my mind and body.
But being a ‘human being’ I started to do what most of us do: I started to rationalize everything and talk myself out of it. The reasons for not considering Everest were pretty easy to find.
– I had no gear (I had no hiking boots, I had no poles, I had no idea really what I needed).
– I don’t hike! (I had done an afternoon hike 4 months prior with a friend).
– I had never done in my life a hiking trip. I had never done trekking that required overnight stay.
– I had no idea of the altitude sickness stuff and how it worked. This stuff actually caused me anxiety in the past just thinking about hiking and lacking oxygen!
Anyways slowly slowly my head rationalized, analyzed and slowly I could feel that high energy fading away.
A few days pass and I did not give Everest any more thought. I had convince myself that my lack of hiking experience would alone be a reason to step out of this crazy idea. After all Val ’you have to stay safe and this is not safe I told myself. There is so much you don’t know’.
I remember it was Saturday morning, a few days after my Everest Base Camp (silly!) idea. I had became so good over the years at pushing away ideas that were not ‘logical’ that Everest already seemed like a vague memory. So Saturday morning I called my good friend Ed who as been to Nepal before.
Ed is a friend, a mentor, a big brother, a dad, a wonderful person (knowing what I know now I can now say that all this time he was one of my spiritual teacher without knowing that he was).
So I called him to announce him that I was going to Nepal! He was excited for me. (Don’t you like people who get excited for you when you have great news! You just feel that they want what is best for you and are so happy to see you doing well and facing your own journey!).
So we talked. We talked about me going to Kopan Monastery for a Buddhist course and he informed me that that was where he went years ago. He recommended it. Sold I said! I will sign up today.
I don’t remember how it came on the subject but we started to talk about Everest Base Camp (EBC). Ed had done the trekking to EBC. He advise me of all the training and preparation he had done prior to do EBC. He sounded more serious. He admitted that EBC trekking without any prior training is not the best idea. My mind than told me; ‘See Val you have to stay safe you are not ready… you don’t know enough about hiking and altitude sickness’. Deep down I knew that he was also a reflection of my insecurities. Of my concern. I also knew that his advice was coming from a good place.
Once we were done talking his girlfriend, who I just adore, was excited after hearing the terms Kopan and Everest Base Camp and wanted the phone! I said bye to my dear friend to than switch from English speaking to French speaking conversation to chat with her! Without saying hi she said to me: You have to do Everest Base Camp. I burst out laughing and I said; Did you not just heard your boyfriend telling me the exact opposite? She said yes but don’t listen to him you will do fine. Go and do it!!! You have too! I said well maybe the next time I go to Nepal I will do it. I will be more ready. You know when you can feel someone rolling their eyes at you through the phone line! haha that’s exactly how it felt.
Oh MJ I thought don’t come and confuse me again!! haha! (But deep down I could feel she was awakening that inner energy that I had felt a few days ago while holding my coffee mug).
So I brought up all the arguments that had came up in my mind a few days prior and now these arguments were even approve by Ed so I felt pretty strong about them:
– I have no gear MJ. She said: come to Quebec city to our house it’s a 4 hour drive I will give you all my hiking gear!
– Euhhhh okay I said. Well I don’t hike MJ. I am not prepare. I am not in physical condition to do that. She said you ski, you run and you do CrossFit you will be fine. You are fit.
She was stopping all my arguments with such simplicity it was almost frustrating (the ego likes to make things heavy and complicated and she was responding so quickly and simply that my ego was just without words). She was convince I could do this and was slowly convincing my mind of it.
– So I said I have never done any overnight hiking trip. Who cares she said you can stay in tea houses on the way up.
– Well MJ I have no idea about altitude sickness and have never done that. I haven’t practice. She said it doesn’t matter. Some people are affected by it once and not the next. There is no consistency and you can’t practice that. She just finish with: Just go Val!
After we hung up the phone I felt mix emotions. MJ had for sure awaken that energy of adventure that I was missing but it was also cover by a thick layer of concern. The spontaneity of this idea was giving me energy but I could not follow through. Over the past years I unconsciously train myself to be more rational and logical and safe. But MJ sounded so sure that I could do it and part of me wanted to believe her since… since I did not have the confidence to believe it myself.
Getting ready for my trip:
I started to look for my backpack. Back in 2003 my friend and I had travel to Italy and Greece for 2 months. Just after I was done my probation as a paramedic in the city of Ottawa. I took off for 2 months with him. I don’t think I had seen that backpack since. Did I sale it? I went through a few decluttering phases in the last years and I remember that backpack was always something I wasn’t using and just could not get raid of. But maybe I finally did sold it? I could not find it anywhere.
A few days went by and I had another flash and thought this backpack would be in my shed. And yes it was there! Hiding in another bag at the far end in my shed.